The Itsy Bitsy Spider
by NormaJean Beausoleil
Summary: ON HIATUS TIL AUTUMN '11. M18 See author's note for reasons for rating. Not for the weak of stomach or heart. Roxas has had a hard life, but gets a new chance when he moves in with his older brothers Cloud and Sora. Can he really get over his past traum
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Rated M 18+ for graphic violence and physical abuse, mental abuse, cursing, rape, drug and alcohol abuse and a happy ending. Note the word "graphic" in the previous statement. This is basically a story that chews up and spits out Roxas, but there is a happy ending and no character death (at least no death for the protagonists, other characters I'm no sure yet.) So, if you can't take it or don't like it, don't read. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. **

'Why am I here?' Roxas asked himself as he forced himself to inch into the club, or house, or place. It was dark, and bright lights flashed oranges, blues, purples, and greens across an open-space ad hoc dance floor. Couches on the sidelines were illuminated by black lights. The entire space seemed to breathe, and was teeming with moving bodies, between people dancing in the middle of the room and making out, or beyond, on the couches.

Roxas clutched one arm to his side and wrapped the other around his thin frame, scratching his elbow. He had prepared himself for going out tonight, spending time picking out a thin and slightly tight long sleeved black shirt, and loose black pants, held up with a studded belt someone had left behind in the bleachers after a game last season. He had also, for the first time, had tried a little eyeliner. His hair was geled up, exposing his pierced ears with plain silver studs in them. 'Just disappear.' He shut his eyes and began thinking, feeling the pulse of the music reverberate in his lungs and intestines. 'Become someone other than Roxas. Just for a few hours. Please. Just to forget—'

"Roxas!" a boys voice shrilled in shock. Roxas's eyes flew open.

"Oh hey, Hayner." Roxas smiled as his teammate walked up to him.

"Hey yourself," Hayner looked him over. Roxas thought he was looking at him with something different in his eyes, than when they were on the field. Before he knew it, his arm was being pulled energetically, towards the center of the room.

"Come on Roxas! Come to the dance floor. That's where all the party is!" Hayner pulled him, smiling widely.

"Sure," Roxas almost whispered in response, and let himself be led to the center of the dance floor.

He moved with the pulse of the crowd, Hayner danced with him, occasionally touching his shoulder or hip, and whenever possible, giving him a jello-shot or test-tube shot that came floating through the crowd. Roxas was sweating and began regretting wearing long sleeves, thinking that a tank top would have sufficed in his crowd. Most of the guys, including Hayner, were not wearing a shirt or just wearing an undershirt, and some of the girls also lacked clothing on their upper bodies.

Hayner grabbed another pair of jello shots for himself and Roxas and gave it to Roxas, pulling Roxas close to him by wrapping an arm around Roxas's lower back. Roxas instinctively leant away from the imposing blond.

"Just relax!" Hayner urged, then winking, downed his jello shot. Roxas did the same. Moments later he felt even hotter.

As the night rolled on, a couple began dancing with them. Roxas noticed a tall man with silver or whitish bleached hair looking him over, repeatedly, with a hungry, focused look in his eye. Roxas began getting tired of it, and since speaking was out of the question, he glared back at the guy. The guy smirked and leaned towards the girl he was with, whispering something in her ear. Roxas furrowed his brows, only to have his chin pulled back towards Hayner and suddenly he was being kissed?

Hayner was kissing him! Whoa! When did this happen! Hayner's arms once again wrapped around Roxas, one hand slipping down the back of his pants, another sliding up his shirt to gently rub Roxas's left nipple.

"Whoa!" Roxas pushed away from him. The girl that was with the tall guy then slipped in and began kissing Hayner, who seemed indifferent to the change of partner. Roxas stood in shock. The crowd flowed around the four, and suddenly they were pushed closer together. The movement made the two part their kiss and they smiled contentedly at one another. Hayner grabbed Roxas's hand and all four began dancing together: Hayner alternating between Roxas and the girl, and the tall guy began loosely dancing, when the opportunity arose, with Roxas.

A few minutes later, maybe longer, Roxas was loosing touch with time, the tall guy opened up a small container and offered was seemed to be small strips to the two young blonds. The girl took two pieces, and put one on her tongue and offered the other to the tall guy who shook his head. Hayner pulled Roxas close and shouted "SCORE!" into his ear. He took two, put one on his tongue, and gave the other to Roxas. Roxas looked at it, and then got a look from the tall guy, daring him, goading him to do it. He glared back, and promptly put the piece in his mouth. It dissolved quickly, tasting both sweet and weird at the same time.

The lights started flashing brighter, and his body felt like all tension had been lifted. Roxas moved with renewed freedom. Everything felt good. The idea of "consequences" could not be further away. He grinded with everyone: Hayner, the girl, another guy behind him, the tall guy. Hayner and Roxas began dancing facing one another. The girl moved to dance behind Hayner, slipping her hands on his body. One of his hands moved up and down Roxas's hip, the other disappearing behind Hayner's back, presumably touching the girl. Roxas's legs were intertwined with the room's legs. He swayed, stretched to feel hair, silkier than his own, he bent, leaning backwards into the tall guy, who, in turn, wrapped his arms around Roxas, caressing his pectoral muscle with one hand, and sliding his hand along Roxas's side with the other. All of a sudden, Roxas was pulled out of his body towards Hayner and the two kissed. Roxas reveled in the sensation of warm, wet lips on his, even though the sloppy wetness of it all was a little unpleasant. Strong arms slowly pulled him backwards again and he found himself, head tilted backwards and upwards, in another kiss. This time, it was stronger and more insistent, firmer. Smooth warmth enveloped him. Roxas felt himself melting and he sighed into the other person's mouth.

Apparently, he had actually melted, and the tall guy was now picking him up and carrying him away from the center of the dance floor, never breaking the kiss. Roxas sensed things becoming darker and he looked up to see that they were now in the corner of the room. His companion quickly stepped over and into a couch which was facing the wall. Things were quieter back here, but there were two other love seats next to the couch, creating a small false private space. One of the loveseats had one person sprawled on it, with a bucket nearby. The other had three mostly naked people on it, making out and doing…

"How do you feel?" A sultry voice asked. Liquid hazel eyes pierced him.

"Amazing," Roxas lolled. Wrapping his arms around the beautiful silver haired man's neck. Every nerve ending on his body pulsed with pleasure.

"I'll make you feel even better," the voice whispered into his ear, then nibbled. Roxas blushed bright red.

A cool hand massaged his stomach and up his chest. The man was kneeling on the floor facing Roxas who sat, slumped in the couch. He was leaning forwards, his torso situated between Roxas's legs. Roxas rubbed the man's firm arms, marveling at their hardness and color, up until he was distracted by a slight pinching on his nipples. He heard someone moan—was that himself? And felt his body buck upwards slightly. Heat pooled in his stomach. The silver haired man laughed deeply, Roxas could feel it in his own body. A tongue traced down Roxas's neck. Something cool and firm wrapped around Roxas's privates. He gasped and the moaned with pleasure as he was enveloped by the warm wetness of his companion. Hands squeezed his butt as a tongue circled his shaft and flicked his tip, sending waves of pleasure throughout Roxas's body. Roxas slowly raised his hips off the couch as the heat of the coming orgasm built and built. Soon he was writhing on the couch, almost screaming with pleasure as he came. The man below swallowed the load and licked Roxas clean. Then he pulled up Roxas's boxers and pants then fixed his belt. Roxas panted, having melted in the coach.

He looked at the man with half-lidded eyes. "No one ever…that was…" Roxas began the man's smirk grew across his face.

He pulled Roxas to a more upright position.

"Do this with me then let's go dance in the other room." He said. Roxas smiled goofily back at him.

The man leaned over to the glass table. He used a razor blande and siphoned two lines of white powder. He pulled a small roll of cash from his pocked, put it carefully in one nostril, held his other nostril closed, and breathed in the powder. He shook his head slightly, blinked his eyes a few times, then gave the tube-roll of cash to Roxas. Roxas crawled forward on the couch, leaned over the table, and mimicked his companion. The man next to him caressed the smaller boy's stomach and lower back as he began to inhale the powder. He was halfway through his line when he pulled back suddenly.

"It burns!" Roxas said with water in his eyes.

"Oh my baby, what will I do with you?" the blonde man laughed and pulled Roxas up and brought him to a bathroom. He sat him on the counter, grabbed some paper towel, wet it lightly, then twisted the corner into a small cone shape. Roxas watched him, but quickly became enthralled with the reflectiveness of the mirror and the faucets, as well as the cold hardness of the counter.

"Here put this up it," he instructed.

Roxas did as he was told and was immediately soothed by the cold relief. He smiled after a few moments, then jumped down, "Let's go dance!" he pulled at the man's arm. For some reason, he felt extremely energetic, as if he would explode if he didn't do something to burn it off.

"First," the man cooed, (he cooed!) "What's your name, baby?"

"Roxas," the small blonde giggled. "What's yours?"

"Seifer," he began kissing Roxas's neck, leaving small hickeys.

Roxas laughed and circled his arms around Seifer's waist, tugging towards the door. "Dancing!" he urged ecstatically.


	2. Chapter 2: Life and Times at Destiny Hig

**A/N: sorry this took so long to update. It's a really hard story to write, both thematically and technically. The structure is difficult, but you'll like it when i get to the second part of the story. A lot has been going on: one of my best friends left for the UK for a year, my job hunt is heating up, and i've had to do a lot of little things. **

**A/N: it has come to my attention via messages from other authors that there is a web-crawler that is searching stories for certain terms and then, in a blanket fashion, flagging them and getting them removed from the site. I'm currently drafting a letter to the ff-net lords, in hopes that they will address this issue, and continue to support this wonderful community that has been thriving here. I don't think most people, including fanficters themselves, realize how great a thing this is. I really hope that such an attack on the community is false, but the letter will be posted later. Anyway, please email the ff net lords and tell them that you are concerned with writers of mature content getting kicked off the site without warning. spiel over.**

DISCLAIMER: this is a mature story. it deals with abuse on several levels and homosexuality. If you don't want to read something like this, dont.

Disclaimer 2: I don't own, and i don't make money with the publication of this story. *sadface*

**Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Chapter 2 Life and Times at Destiny High

The hot August sun beat down on Destiny High's football field. It was off-season, but still forty teenage boys run on the fields: some are throwing footballs to one another, others are running exercises, a couple practice kicking.

"Roxas!" Hayner called to Roxas from across the field, running toward him. Hayner wore a uniform and a red overhang, as well as long uniform football pants. Sweat glistened from the ends of the short spikes off the back of his neck. He licked his lips unconsciously as he strode up to Roxas, who had just finished a match up between shirts and skins. Hayner's eyes drifted over the pale blonde with spiky hair. It seemed no matter how hard Roxas worked out and how many protein drinks he consumed, he never beefed out any. His body was taunt and pale, sweat dripping down his back.

"Hey Hay," he breathed.

"Hey Rox," Hayner smiled, before shaking his head, remembering what he wanted to talk to Roxas about. "You know, that Seifer guy, you should probably stay away from him."

Roxas pulled a small towel out from his pocket, wiped his face. "Why? He seemed really nice. We had a fun time the other night."

"Roxas, do you even remember all that you did the other night?" Hayner looked at Roxas suspiciously. This was a question to which he already knew the answer.

"Come on, Hay. Aren't I entitled to a release every now and then?"

"Yeah," Hayner responded, 'but do it with me,' he added in his head. "Anyway, Roxas, Seifer's bad news. He's into some really deep shit. He sells man, and not just normal stuff. And I heard he was crazy manipulative."

Roxas didn't bat an eyelash at the reality that Seifer sells. It made sense, since he had such a thorough knowledge of everything that was going on at the rave. "You _heard_ he was manipulative? Since when are we middle school girls? I can take care of myself, Hay. I've been doing it for years."

"Come on, Rox. I'm not trying to say you're…weak or anything," Hayner saw the look of anger that flashed over his friend's face. "Err….maybe I'm wrong, okay? I just don't want you to…don't want you to…"

Roxas sighed. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it, you're still my best friend," Roxas lightly punched Hayner in the shoulder. Better to dole out the sap than to leave Hayner hanging. Sometimes his mouth ran away from him. Being friends with Hayner provided an almost a daily lesson in why Roxas was glad he had a slightly quiet nature. Hayner seemed always able to shove his foot in his mouth, again and again.

After practice, Roxas took a shower in the locker room, in case he didn't have the opportunity to do so at home. The boy said goodbye to his friends then began walking slowly home. He looked at his checkered watch. His father had gotten off of work half an hour earlier. Fear caused a shudder, which caused slightly damp clothes to stick. A cold feeling spread and breath became shallower and quicker. A hand on the front door's knob. The sound of the door quietly shutting. Shoes removed. Walking so quietly. Eyes wide glancing around, taking in everything. The dents in the wall. The missing furniture. Bitter taste in the mouth. Breath. Breath. Breath. The smell of beer and bleach. Quickly, quickly, to the room. Quickly, quietly.

"WHERE ARE YOU? YOU WH*RE!" The angry snarl rang out.

* * *

"Roxas!" a young girl's voice rang out across the school courtyard.

Roxas turned quickly to the source of the call. A small smile graced his lips. "Hey Yuffie."

"Hey sweetie!" she hugged him.

"Whoa! What's up with the glomping?" Roxas joked.

"Oh, what can I do but take advantage of the fact that I have hugging priveledges on the hottest boy in the school?" Yuffie answered smugly.

"Yeah, but we're not dating."

"Duh, we haven't for years! How long was that in sixth-one, two weeks?"

Roxas cocked an eyebrow. "Wasn't it three months?"

"Yeah, that's right, one, two eternities!" Yuffie responded beaming enthusiastically. "But we make better friends, right?"

"Less awkward friends." Roxas added.

"So how come you don't chat with me anymore? Hayner says you haven't been talking to him either."

"Nothing to say, I guess."

"'Nothing to say' my foot! It's like you're back in your shell like after…" Yuffie blushed a little, realizing she just let her mouth run away from her. _Great, as if he wasn't introverting enough before, now he's going to get defensive, _she thought.

"I'm not 'back in my shell,' alright? Just new friends, and there's a lot going on. You're busy too, right?"

"I have time for your Roxas. Remember in elementary when you would come over every day? I miss those times."

"Yeah, me too. But things are different now. I'm different. We just can't go back, Yuf. We're not the same people we used to be."

"I am! And you are too! What's gotten into you, Roxas? I'm worried for you. Is it that Seifer guy? He's bad for you, and you know it, and it's only going to get worse." Yuffie started her tirade. Roxas took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You look soo…sickly. Does your stepfather know what's going on?"

"Leave him out of it," Roxas seethed. "Enough. I have to get to class. Bye, Yuffie." Roxas stomped away.

"Well, at least school just started back up. I can keep an eye on him, even if he shuts me out," Yuffie reflected quietly herself. The bell rang and she sprinted off to class.

* * *

The months waned on. The colors began turning as cold winds warned of winter's approach. Two towns built up anticipation for two events: Halloween and the main football game of the season, Hollow Bastion Hooter's versus Destiny High's Wolves. One boy, in particular, was looking forward to the game.

"Riku! Do you know where my lucky socks are?" Sora yelled through the empty house.

"The last time I saw them you had put them in that memory box of yours," a deeper voice replied. "Why isn't Cloud coming this time?"

"He got called into work," Sora yelled back. "Oo! Found 'em. Thanks, Riku!" Sora perused absent-mindedly through the box. A string of cheap plastic beads, paopu fruit seeds, a vial of sand, an old photograph. He picked of the flat image and sighed. It showed a younger version of himself, taken when he was seven. A small blonde boy, about six years old, grinned shyly on his left, and another blonde boy, who looked to be about twelve, smiled smartly on his right. "Cloud was so young then, but I guess we all were," Sora mused to himself. He picked through the other flat artifacts in the box. A collection of news clippings from different years: "Couple Dies in Car Crash: Leaving two orphaned boys," "Hollow Bastion's 'Quicksilver' wins track meet," "Local Boy wins National Piano Competition," "Car Accident on Route 30." Sora sighed. He found another photograph of him, Cloud, and Roxas. This one was from a football game a few years ago. Sora remembered Riku volunteering to take it. Sora and Cloud beamed at the camera, each in their own way, and Roxas was smiling, but somehow, after his father died, even his smiles seemed sad. There was something off in his gaze. Like the light in his eyes had burned out.

"Yikes! I'm almost late!" Sora put the lid hurriedly back on the box, jumped off the bed and grabbed his socks, putting them on as he flew down the stairs.

"Here, eat this," Riku put a toasted sandwich in front of his boyfriend.

"You're the best!" Sora spoke around a bite.

"It's just cause I feed you," Riku countered with a smirk. He bent to look at the hole-filled socks on Sora's feet. "You need some new lucky socks."

"Nah, these are best. I was wearing these the first time I found out that I would have a game against Roxas's team every year. Oh! And I came across your newspaper article about when you won the meet."

"What else was in that box of yours?" Riku smiled warmly.

"Old trinkets and mementos. Some other articles from when mom and dad died, and when Roxas's dad died," Sora looked sadly at his sandwich. "Did I ever tell you how awesome Roxas is at the piano, or at least he was. He was a child prodigy when he was younger!"

"How come you only see him at these games? He doesn't live that far away and I know you miss him. Cloud probably does too." Riku wondered about the nostaligic and sad look that took over the brunette's usually undimmable happy face.

"Yeah, his step-father's super strict. Doesn't let him do sleepovers or anything. Roxas also said he was homophobic, so if he ever found out that Cloud and I were dating guys, he'd probably chew out Roxas. I don't really want that to happen either." Sora sighed.

"Well, if we don't leave soon, you'll miss him," Riku said dryly.

"Op! Let's go! Let's go!" the bouncy brunette was tucking the silver-haired boy out the door.

Sora waved to the Wolves' team number 13 as he arrived on the field. The thin member of the opposing team waved back, his posture righted from slouching, as if his entire body was happy to see his cousin. The game progressed normally. Roxas' coach had him sit out the second and third quarters, but put him back in for the last, along with other promising underclassmen, as soon as the wolves had a good enough lead.

After the customary handshakes and "good game" bidding, Hayner waited with Roxas on the field.

"Argh!" Roxas stepped forward as Sora glomped him from behind. Sora felt Roxas tense up at the touch, he quickly got down from his smaller cousin.

"You're getting too big to be doing that, Sora!" Roxas scowled.

"Sorry," Sora looked only slightly apologetic. Riku arrived and shook Roxas's hand.

Hayner almost protectively leaned on Roxas's shoulder, sizing up the silver-haired pretty boy from the other team. He already knew Sora wasn't a threat. "It's not your cos's fault, you fell down the stairs, you klutz."

"You fell down the stairs?" Sora repeated with a look of worry. Riku narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah." Roxas replied, looking off to the side.

"Roxas, are you getting fed enough? You look really…taunt." Sora ventured.

"Pshht, just because I'm not a fatty like you!"

"Roxas," Riku spoke with a serious, quiet tone.

"What?" Roxas looked at him. Sora thought for a moment that Riku was being over-protective, as usual, but he saw something different on his boyfriend's face.

"You two come with me," he grabbed Sora and Roxas's wrists and started walking quickly to the back entrance of one of the academic buildings.

"Oy! I'm coming too!" Hayner jogged by them. Riku looked over his shoulder annoyed.

A perplexed expression appeared on Roxas's face, but there wasn't any fear in his demeanor. "Erm, okay, Hayner, I'll see you back in the locker room, 'kay? I guess it's family time. I'll be there in a few minutes." Roxas spoke quickly as Riku dragged him along. Sora smiled, remembering fondly at how Roxas was always a peace-keeper when they were younger.

They finally stopped in an abandoned hallway. School always seemed eerie after hours, when all the noisy students have left. Adding to the odd atmosphere was the fact that only every other of the florescent lights were lit, giving the hallway a striated appearance. Riku stopped and pulled Roxas infront of him under one of the lights.

"What happened, Roxas?" Riku asked him.

"What's going on, Riku?" Sora asked, confused at what had caused such a change in his boyfriend.

"I've known you for two years, and you're important to Sora, so you're important to me. What happened?" Riku repeated. Riku watched as the blonde became tenser and tenser. A curtain of shadow fell across his face. He looked even more distant than usual.

"What are you talking about, Riku?" Roxas posed, his tone thin.

"Why did you lie about falling down the stairs?" Riku asked.

"I didn't," Roxas's reply was quick, too quick. His brows were pushed together, slightly angry.

"A strong denial is like an affirmation, Roxas." Riku quoted.

Sora would have smiled if there wasn't such an intense atmosphere. He recognized the line that Riku had given to him a few times.

Roxas squirmed. Sora was staring at him now. Sora's face was of pure concern.

"Let's see the damage then," Riku grabbed Roxas's wrist quickly and pulled up on his two shirts. Roxas's chest and stomach was more purple than it was white, with patches of green and yellow. There were several scars, raising the skin over his ribcage, which already protruded. His hips jaunted out and the skin over them was a deep color of purplish black.

"STOP!" Roxas punched Riku quickly, but it wasn't really a firm punch. Riku straightened immediately.

"Shit, Roxas. What's going on?" Sora never cursed, but cursed now in pure shock.

"Mind your own business," Roxas sneered icily, and then ran off down the hallway. Sora and Riku stood stupefied in the hall.

"He's so skinny," Sora stated, hollowly.

"Did you see his hips?" Riku whispered in an intense voice. "I'm going to stay when I drop you off tonight. We need to talk to Cloud. Go wash up and get ready to leave." Riku continued whispering.

"Yeah," Sora mouthed. They walked slowly back to the visiting team's locker room.

* * *

**A/N: Review please! and if it takes too long for me to post the next chapter, badger me via pm's. **


End file.
